How to become confident

Many people would like to be more confident. More confident in appearance, more independent in thinking, mentally stronger, less shy - in short: you would like to have more self-confidence. In psychology, self-awareness has two meanings: The awareness of one's own existence. And: the certainty for your own self-worth. But HOW can self-confidence be strengthened? In fact, there are some means, ways, and tips for doing this.

What does self-confidence actually mean?

The word self-awareness actually speaks for itself: it's about being aware of yourself. Often we don't know ourselves as well as we might think. Our thoughts, emotions, and our actions have automated themselves over the years, we no longer reflect on them and often do not even know whether we are happy or what makes or could make us happy. Instead, we live in a self-affirming cycle of self-doubt, fears, and negative experiences that further reinforce our negative thoughts.

A self-confident person, on the other hand, can reflect and actively control himself as a person as well as his experiences, ways of thinking, and emotions. So he has as realistic a self-image as possible. From this, he makes important decisions for his life, leaves things behind that make him unhappy, and searches specifically for a job, hobbies, or people in his life that is good for him.

Self-confident people, therefore, exude a deep satisfaction with themselves and their life, which is downright attractive to other, insecure people. This is why self-confident people often seem to "attract" professional and private success with ease.

Boost self-confidence: is it possible?

Self-confidence develops. Not just passively. It can likewise be effectively advanced, learned, and fortified. To do this, however, we must first understand how self-confidence or self-confidence is created and how it is composed. The foundation for this is formed by three questions of self-analysis :

Who am I?

What can I?

What am I worth?

When answering these questions, two processes are set in motion:

The self-awareness. Awareness of what you are feeling can be (“I play the piano well and speak English fluently”).

The self-assessment. The recognition of one's own talents and abilities (“I'm proud of that.”).

This is how self-confidence is revealed

Together, this creates different expressions and facets of self-confidence:

Self-knowledge: "That's me."

Self-acceptance: "I am good."

Self-acceptance: "I like myself."

Self-love: "I love myself."

Self-efficacy: "I can do it."

Confidence: "I can do it."

Self -belief: "I will succeed."

Self-control: "I have a grip on myself."

Personal responsibility: "I am master of my life."

Self-respect: "I respect myself."

All of these characteristics condition, influence and strengthen each other: Whoever has confidence in his abilities, is aware of his strengths and qualities considers himself valuable, loses inhibitions and fears, and in return steadily gains in self-confidence and mental independence.

Why did I lose my confidence?

However, there are just as many people who suffer from a lack of self-confidence and struggle in everyday life not to let themselves get down. Often there are two fears behind it:

The fear of being rejected.

The fear of failure.

Behind both fears is a negative self-image. In contrast to self-confident fellow human beings, those affected are not convinced of their abilities but are plagued by constant doubts.

This leads to inner insecurity, in which challenges are ultimately perceived as a threat.

This insecurity also shapes behavior and relationships with other people. Often times, insecure people need continued reassurance, approval, and approval from the outside. This makes them and their self-image enormously unstable and prone to manipulation.

The following exercises and tips will help you to Strengthen your self-confidence:

1. Face your fears

American motivational speaker Dale Carnegie put his strategy like this: "You gain confidence by doing exactly what you are afraid of, and thereby gaining a number of successful experiences." So you need to get out of your comfort zone and get out of your fears to increase self-confidence.

Our fears are often exaggerated: in anticipation of what “could” happen, we anticipate the possible answers of others and act in a kind of anticipatory obedience. The more often you realize that it's not as bad as you thought and that you can achieve a lot more than you thought you could, the greater your self-esteem

2. Say goodbye to negative thoughts!

The most important and actually only the basic rule of the described mechanism for more self-confidence is often also the most difficult. You can therefore resort to a little trick :

Cut a strip about 30 centimeters long from a piece of fabric (thick paper or cardboard is also possible if necessary). Now color the first ten centimeters green, the second third yellow, and the last ten centimeters red.

Every time you immediately catch yourself harboring negative thoughts, criticizing yourself, or building negative expectations, cut off an inch. Over time you will approach the yellow or even red line more and more slowly. While you may have to create a new strip several times to get started, the goal is that at some point you never have to tear off an inch again. So you can literally watch your success.

3. Give yourself time and relax

If I could only give you one tip on the way would say:

Take it easy! Take it easy.

Don't stress yourself too much on your way to strong self-esteem. Because you know yourself: Stress is the greatest enemy of relaxation and fun! And fun must make your trip, otherwise, you won't be with us for long ... That is why: See that you are fine. That you do everything that is good for you. Because that is the basic requirement for number one: You have to be fine and you should have fun developing yourself personally, leaving your comfort zone, and building your self-confidence.

4. Allow yourself to make mistakes

Do not mang yourself for the mistakes you make. In doing so, you are constantly shaking your ego and feeding self-doubt.

Try to change your attitude towards mistakes and see them as an opportunity to move forward. If you look around your team, you will find that your colleagues are making mistakes too. It is normal for mistakes to happen. The key is to find out how it came about and learn from it.

One mix-up doesn't decide your value personally. There is no motivation to fear it. Have more confidence in yourself and be ready to go wrong every now and then. This attitude helps a lot in your own self-confidence.

5. Laugh at yourself

Don't take yourself so seriously and try not to make an impeccable impression. A relaxed posture will make it easier for you to face your fears. What's going to happen big? You speak up in the meeting, are nervous, and make promises. Take it with humor and the others will too.

If you can laugh at yourself, you not only show great self-confidence but also come across as personable, human, and open.

6. Learn to love yourself

Many people would like to love themselves, but don't even know where to start. When you look in the mirror, you don't like who is looking at you, you are actually completely overqualified for your job and your partner has only recently left you. Nevertheless: Everyone has already had successes in life, has talents and endearing qualities. So take a piece of paper and a pen and write down at least ten things you like about yourself. This could be past career success, your hair, or that you are a helpful person. Little by little you will think of more and more things and maybe at some point, you will not only be able to like yourself but truly love yourself.

7. Stop comparing yourself

Quite a few see life as a permanent competition. They constantly compare themselves with others: who has a happier relationship? Who has the smarter children? Who deserves more salary? Who owns the bigger house, car, cell phone? Fatal! The constant comparisons with others cause enormous emotional damage. They are a challenge to our self-confidence and stir up feelings of inferiority.

Instead, learn to be more grateful. Learn to appreciate the milestones you've already reached. Be grateful for special friendships or your health. Unfortunately, most people tend not to appreciate successes and achievements long enough. Instead, we strive for the next one. The antidote to this is constant appreciation, mindfulness, and gratitude.

8. Surround yourself with the right people

Those who have people in their environment whom they can trust, who support and encourage one, are strengthened from within. You have a good feeling that you are not alone. Because you know that these people value you, they also strengthen your self-confidence.

But that means the other way round: Keep your distance from negative people who pull you down and constantly make you bad. In such an environment, self-confidence cannot grow.

9. Take courage in 30 seconds

Should a specific situation arise that you are afraid of for any reason, collect yourself for 30 seconds. In these 30 seconds, you breathe calmly and deeply, close your eyes and count from 30 to 0 with concentration. This is how you get all other thoughts out of your head, especially negative ones. It is important that you get up at “0” and tackle the situation, for example, the task ahead, the conversation with the boss, or the bungee jump. After 30 seconds there is no turning back!

10. Celebrate your successes

Any success, no matter how big or small, is proof that you can overcome difficulties and achieve whatever you set out to do. You should celebrate that and be proud of your achievements.

At the same time, you treat yourself well when you celebrate or treat yourself to a small treat - a framework for strong self-esteem that can only come about when you like yourself.